Begin the Begin

To Blog or not to Blog.  Since I’m pretty sure no one has found my Blog yet, I choose, TO BLOG!  What is this Blog about?  It’s about Life.  It’s about how we are supposed to live our lives, rather than how we are actually living it.  That sounds confusing even to me and I’m writing this. 

I was miserable for a very very very long time and I didn’t know why.  I couldn’t understand how people could just be happy.  It seemed like such a difficult feat.  It all started back in high school.  I went through all of the motions I was supposed to, got up, went to school, came home, did fun stuff, but I was miserable.  There were other things at play, low self-esteem, body image issues, blah blah blah, but I just didn’t know how to be different, to be happy.  

I graduated from high school, went to college, got an 8-5 job.  Even more miserable.  Got a therapist, went to Grad school for something different, got a job, STILL MISERABLE.  I knew even as I was going through it that my misery was pathetic, but I still didn’t get it.  Everyone else my age was seemingly happy and I did all of the same things as them, but still, I wasn’t happy.

Then I watched, “The Secret.”  I know it has now become a cliché, but something resonated with me.  I started to see that not realizing, and really repressing my own wants and desires (because they tended to be untraditional) was the entire reason I was unhappy.  For the first time I had hope. 

Unfortunately just knowing this fact didn’t make it all better, I had a lot of work to do.  So here I am, working on it, but living a rather unconventional life (in other people’s opinion) and I’m happier than ever.  I still have a ways to go, and issues still pop up, such as my 10-year high school reunion in 2 weeks, or waiting on a girl I went to high school with, and her attractive husband knowing full well she has a great job and is cruising through her life with ease.  But I’m ok, and I know that if I had her job, or were married for that matter, I wouldn’t be happy.  I know that working on myself is the most important thing because having a deeper understanding of me, is what I’ve always wanted. 

I want to write, and at the moment this is the only way I can see myself happily doing it so I better figure out how to make money at it.  But for now, as my eyes are the only ones reading this, opening up about these difficult facts about myself allow me to clean the slate.  Nothing about my former misery matters anymore because I’m not miserable now. 

The stories posted before this were on my website.  I moved it over to here because I felt a blog was more appropriate.  So this new blog is about the journey through life and finding happiness.  And something that has helped me is reading other people’s stories on how to live life to the fullest, which is what I try to now do, and will share with all of you, when you get here.