We used to talk about music in 6th grade Art Class. I had always loved music, but my obsession really began to culminate around the age of 12. The year was 1994 and grunge had been flying high as the popular music genre of the time. This kid in my class, Steve, positioned himself as the king of rock music, the knower of all things. I, who was pretty well versed in music myself, would try to appeal to his rock kingness, by bringing up bands in class, hoping to look like a rock goddess myself. Around the month of March, there was a song I kept hearing on rock radio, but could never remember the name of the band to impress my classmates with. The band was Collective Soul. As I heard the song more, and saw the music video and how attractive all of the band members were, they instantaneously became my favorite band and I've been loving them ever since.
That school year, the 6th grade, was my first year at Dorseyville Middle School. I had moved away from the neighborhood I had always known, to a new area, new school, new people, and lots of them. I am an only child of a single mother. We never had a lot of money growing up, but we always had our music. My new school however, was immersed with the wealthiest of the wealthy, and I definitely had a hard time fitting in. That is why I believe I became so in love with music. It understood me and it made me feel like I was a part of something.
That summer, I found out that Collective Soul was opening up for Aerosmith (my mom's favorite band that she never missed in concert). She decided to take my godmother (as always) instead, and I was forced to sit at home and sulk, aching to see Collective Soul live.
I spent the next year (now into 7th grade) obsessing about my favorite band, Collective Soul, and loving every minute of it. One day in the spring of 1995, I was in the grocery store looking at a magazine, and oh my god there it was, a small photo of Collective Soul. I begged my mom to buy me the magazine, but there wasn't a lot of extra money for those things, especially for just one small photo, so I had to part with the first glimpse (since the music video and CD) that I had of them.
The next day, or maybe it was a few days later, I was walking back from science class and I glanced to my right and there it was, that same photo from the magazine hanging in some girl's locker. I ran over and started screaming/hyperventilating saying that they were my favorite band. Nicole smiled and said they were her favorite too, and there were others like us in our very school.
I eventually met these other fans, Maren and Kyra, and while I wasn't friends with all of them yet, we would spend our downtime at school obsessing about this great band. When the second album came out, we gathered around lunchroom table to stare at the pictures in the CD book.
One of the girls, Maren, ended up on my softball team that year, and as she was good friends with Nicole, she would often bring her to games and practices so that we could continue our conversations about our favorite songs and band members.
One spring evening, I arrived at Aspinwall field for a softball game and saw Nicole frantically running toward me. She told me, very excitedly and very out of breath, that Collective Soul was coming to town that summer, July 2nd, 1995. I turned to my mother and begged her to go get tickets immediately, which she did (perhaps still feeling guilty from not taking me last time), and I spent the next few months anticipating their arrival.
The night before the show I remember laying in bed looking up my two magazine photos of the band that were hanging on my wall and thought, oh my god, they are going to be right in front of me tomorrow. I then grabbed my small purple and green pillow and screamed into it as loud as I could.
The day of the show was a whirlwind of nerves, I couldn't eat, I couldn't stop looking at the clock, and I kept begging my mom to let us go early. She was the dear soul who was taking me, Nicole, Maren, and Kyra, four 13-year-old girls, to this concert.
I remember when the time came to leave, I asked my mom how she thought I looked and she said, "You look so good they are going to pull you up on stage." Little did I know what the rest of the night would have in store for me.
We picked everyone up and arrived at Metro Pol, a small club in Pittsburgh's Strip District. My heart almost broke when I saw that a line had already formed. I knew we should have gotten there earlier.
A woman got in line behind us, and I, being the chatterbox that I am, struck up a conversation with her, only to learn that she not only knew the band, but also ran their fan club. Her name was Diane and we harassed her with band questions that she was so kind to answer.
When the doors finally opened we ran to the front of the stage and ended up on the far left side (where the guitar player Ross would eventually stand). Diane followed us in and continued talking to my mom as we waited for the show to begin.
The opening band was great, but I just couldn't wait any longer for Collective Soul to come on stage. Then all of a sudden, the lights went down and the stage started to fill with smoke. It was almost time. I remember the anticipation filling my stomach. I couldn't believe it, this band, my favorite band, was coming.
When I saw them walking onto the stage I just remember my friends and I screaming hysterically. From the first song to the last, we sang every word at the top of our lungs. I even saw Ed, the lead singer, look over and wave to our new friend Diane. At that point, that was as cool as it got.
Eventually I knew the show was winding down, I also had noticed that Ed kept looking over at Diane. So during one of the last songs I stepped onto this tiny ledge next to me so I could get just an inch higher, I waited for Ed to look over and I screamed, "I LOVE YOU!" And by some miracle he saw me and blew me a kiss. My friends looked at me with disbelief, and then it happened.
The guitar solo started and Ed came over to our side. We all put our hands up and he grabbed mine and started pulling. My mom was pushing me up and before I knew it, I was walking over to the microphone with Ed from Collective Soul. I remember him pointing the mic at me and me starting to move my lips to the words of the song, although I don't remember any sound coming out of my mouth.
The lights were shining in my eyes and I was so shocked that I didn't quite realize what was going on. Then I looked over to my friends and saw Nicole screaming hysterically and I knew, I was on stage, just as my mom had predicted just a few hours before.
At that moment I ran over to Ed and hugged him with no intentions of ever letting go. That forever turned into a mere moment and I walked over and jumped off stage into the arms of my crying friends. As I turned back around Ed blew me one more farewell kiss and left the stage. A few moments later the drum tech walked over and handed me the signed drumsticks. At that moment I was the happiest 13-year-old girl alive.
People stared at me when we were leaving, I could hear them whispering, "That's the girl that got pulled up onstage!..Oh my god, she has the drumsticks!"
As we drove home I looked at my friends and my heart filled up with love, joy, and gratitude. I knew at that very moment there was nothing that would ever top that night. It was, and still is, the greatest moment of my life.
II.
After getting pulled up on stage at the Collective Soul Concert, I wasn't sure anything could top it. Fortunately for us, Diane, the lady who spoke to us at the show, gave my mom her contact info so that we could stay in touch. Throughout the summer of 1995, she traveled with the band whenever she could, and was so kind to always send us guitar pics and photos and keep us up to date on where the band was in the world.
For a bunch of 13-year-old girls, that was a pretty big deal. The remainder of our summer vacation was spent on Nicole's front porch blaring either, 'Hints Allegations and Things Left Unsaid' or 'Self Titled', as they were the only two albums out at the time. Sometimes we would retreat to the living room to watch the few Collective Soul things we had recorded off of MTV or VH1 (back when they played music).
As the summer began to wind down, I started to realize that at long last, I finally had friends again, the way that I used to before I moved to Fox Chapel. When I started there, I struggled to fit in, which didn't work, but when I decided to just be myself, my friends came, and they were just like me. And at that moment, I knew they would be my friends for life.
The 8th grade school year began, but the only thing I had on my mind was if and when I would see Collective Soul again. Or any band for that matter. I had gotten the concert itch and I was ready to go. And I did! But back to Collective Soul.
Sometime in October of 1995 I received a phone call from Diane who told me that Collective Soul was going to be in Philadelphia in November (Where Diane lived!) and she wanted to know if my mother and I would like to come to the show and (OMG!) meet the band after.
My 13-year-old heart nearly stopped, and combined with tears and hysteria, I called my mom at work and begged her to take me. She said yes! Holy crap, I'm going to Philly to meet Collective Soul!
My friends were of course jealous, and I wished more than anything that I could take them with me, but alas, it was just mom and I.
It was a cold November morning when we left for Philadelphia. I remember being decked out in a Collective Soul T-shirt and Collective Soul Hat. I was cool.
We arrived in Philadelphia sometime in the late afternoon. As we drove in I remember thinking to myself, "Wow, wouldn't it be awesome if the band was staying at the same hotel as us."
We checked our luggage, and were led up to our room. Mom and I decided a nap would be best before the show. After, we showered, got ready, and met Diane in the lobby restaurant for dinner. The first thing she said was, "I just found out the band is staying in this hotel." I knew it!
We took a taxi over to the Electric Factory, the name of the club, and the wonderful Wanderlust opened the show to their hometown crowd. Awesome.
Then it was time again for Collective Soul!
Amazing show as always, I only wished that my friends were there to sing and dance with me, but I still had a great time.
After, it was time to line up to go backstage, oh my god, this is really happening.
Will Turpin came out first, such a kind person. I was in tears, but he talked to us and put his arm around me to take a picture. There was a line of people waiting but since he knew Diane, he just took Diane, my mom, and me backstage. As I turned the corner, there was Ross Childress clad in his burgundy corduroy pants and leather jacket. I shook his hand, I was shaking.
Then there was Shane Evans, I swear I always take the best photos with Shane.
And then there was Ed Roland. Super nice, super attentive. I was the only kid backstage, but everyone was so nice to me. Ed chatted with Mom and I, then decided he wanted to play basketball on the machine. My mom, being the big mouth that she is, screamed, "My daughter plays basketball!!!" So there I was, playing basketball, with the lead singer of my favorite band in the whole world.
After that thrill, Will Turpin returned to us. By far the friendliest and most outgoing of the band, he spoke about missing his sister at home who was about my age. He talked 
about family and just normal stuff that you don't really expect from a rockstar.
At one point I asked Will where Dean Roland was, as he is my favorite. Will said he was down at the tour bus, but that he would take us there. So mom and I braved the November frigidity to wait for my darling Dean Roland.
He walked off of the bus, I think I am going to faint. He came over to me to take the photo. I had left my coat inside so as not to ruin a photo opportunity. As my mom 
stumbled with the camera Dean put his arm around me and said, "Its ok, we'll just stand here and keep each other warm."
I don't recall my reaction to that comment, but everyone around us laughed so it couldn't have been good!
After that, I snapped a few more photos, and then it was time to bid our goodbyes and head back to the hotel.
When we arrived, I changed into my coolest Mini Mouse pajamas, and while my mom went to the front desk for something, I lodged one of my shoes in the door so I could visit to the pop machine before bed.
When I looked up, Dean Roland was walking down the hall. He said, "Hey! Is this your room?" I said yes, and he said, "Wow, this is my room," and he put his key into the door across the hall. I was staying across the hall from my Dean the ENTIRE TIME!
A few moments later, there was a knock at my door. It was my mom, standing next to Will Turpin. I stood there shocked. He told us that he and his wife were right next to us and that the rest of the band were in the surrounding rooms.
In other words, we were right in the middle, surrounded by all of Collective Soul.
I didn't sleep much that night, I was wound way too tight with excitement. Mom and I headed back to Pittsburgh the next morning with a definite adventure under our belt, one that I couldn't wait to tell my friends all about!
III.
After meeting my favorite band in the entire world, there was no going back, I was in Collective Soul La La Land for the next several years. The first thing I did when I got home was call each of my friends and give them a detailed account of my experience. They were excited and jealous and as happy as I was, I couldn't wait until they got to meet the band too. Everyone at school knew I went so everyone was clamoring over my photos and my awesome story.
That following March, Diane came back to Pittsburgh to join us for a Red Hot Chili Peppers Concert. With her, she brought all of her Collective Soul videos, live performances, etc. I spent hours with two VCRs hooked together to copy the VHS's (oh the good old days). That was unfortunately the last time we saw Diane. We kept in touch here and there but eventually lost touch completely. I found her on MySpace a few years ago but that too, fell by the wayside.
About a year later in 1997, their third album, "Disciplined Breakdown" came out. "Precious Declaration" was the first single and of course we were obsessed immediately, singing it at the top of our lungs wherever we went. A few months later it was announced they would be returning to Metro Pol, the club where the magic began. Diane was supposed to come to the show but fell ill and couldn't make it. We were all kind of counting on her to get us to meet the band so when she canceled, we had to come up with an alternate plan. Metro Pol was in an old area that looked like warehouses stacked against each other. We realized that the loading dock for the band was in the front, and 
that was the only way into the club. Our Plan: Block the entrance, they can't avoid us.
We talked my mom into dropping us off at the club around noon, the show not starting until around 7 P.M. We, of course, were the first people there, and took pictures and goofed off. The roadies and promotional people arrived at some point and were intrigued as to why a bunch of 15-year-old girls were already waiting at the front door.
A small group formed a few hours before the show began, before the band got there, and 
we were kind of disappointed we wouldn't get the band all to ourselves. When we saw the big red tour bus coming down the road, the excitement welled up in us all. Finally, they were here. We attacked as soon as they walked off the bus. I told Ed about him pulling me up on stage here in Pittsburgh, then playing basketball with me in Philadelphia. He seemed excited, and I was even more excited. My friends were elated to meet them as well, and I was happy we got to experience it together. The show was fantastic, the four of us (the same four as two years prior) lined up in the front row, dancing and doing our silly moves to each song. After the show we waited to talk to them again, then we headed home with another awesome Collective Soul show under our belt.
Two years later, the album "Dosage" came out. At that point Maren and I weren't hanging out with Nicole and Kyra as much, so it was just she and I that set out to buy the album the day it was released. It was 1999, I was 17 and driving, so I picked her up after school and we went to the record store. We put it on the Disc Man we had attached to the cassette player in the car, and "Tremble For My Beloved" started. We were immediately freaking out, it was clearly one of the best songs ever (and when it started playing in the parking lot scene during the movie "Twilight" a few years ago, I was nearly peeing my pants at the theater!). To this day "Dosage"is in my opinion, their best album.
That year they played at St. Vincent's College, with The Marvelous 3 (who Maren and I would eventually follow around for a bit after high school, but that's another story). My mom, Maren and I met up with Toni, a girl we had met at a Candlebox concert a few months before, who loved Collective Soul as much as we did. At one point they started playing a song and I realized it was, "Wasting Time," my favorite song of all time. I started screaming hysterically, only to the amusement and horror of the security guards who were college students. It was the first and only time I've ever gotten to see that song preformed live.
As the show went on, my mom and I spotted a roadie that we had met with Diane back in 1995, we started talking to him and he gave us backstage passes. We were going to get to meet the band again! This time we took Toni with us, who kept saying it was the greatest day of her life.
Two months later they were set to play a radio station concert festival, the tickets were pricier than we were used to, but Maren and I were determined to get front row. When I went to get the tickets, I was paying for one with cash, and one with credit, and they 
couldn't give us seats together. I was so distraught that after I got our tickets, I was backing out of the parking lot, not looking, and backed right in to another car. My first and only car accident, and it was caused by the fear of not getting to see Collective Soul.
We were able to stand together anyway, so the accident was for nothing, and we saw Nicole at the show, which was nice too.
After that we entered our senior year, graduated, and I got a job at a local record store. The year was 2000 and "Blender" came out. Not my favorite album, but it was going to take a lot to out shine "Dosage." We found out there was a show in December featuring the Marvelous 3 (who we had already begun taking road trips for) and Collective Soul. Maren, Toni, and I, decided to go.
We spent the eight-hour road trip to South Carolina trying to figure out how we were going to get backstage and hang out with the bands. None of us were "groupies" so to 
speak, so we were going to have to be clever.
We used our age-old plan of showing up early to try and scope the place out and maybe get a glimpse of some early arriving bands. We saw that once again, there was only one entrance to the backstage/tour bus area, and there was only one guard. He was our guy. Toni went and held us a place in line and Maren and I went to try to weasel our way backstage.
We started up a conversation with the guard, asking him what time the doors opened (even though we already knew). Then we started discussing the weather and other varies topics of no importance (I have an innate ability to talk forever about nothing haha). We befriended the guard, never revealing our real plan of trying to get backstage. We were just two out of towners, passing the time. A young guy named Kenny came over at one point and asked us all where to buy tickets. We happened to have an extra one so we gave it to him. He was on his own so ended up just hanging out with us, he became our new friend.
Eventually a photographer with an All Access Pass came to go backstage. I jokingly said we were with him, the photographer took a liking to me, and we convinced the guard to let us all go in with him. He let us pass!
We walked passed a slew of tour busses and came to the back entrance, it was a woman checking for passes, we were done. The photographer went in and we just hung around the busses waiting. We saw Lifehouse, who was not popular yet, come out. I asked them to play a song and they were shocked I even knew who they were. It was time for the front doors to open and we conceded that we would have to go that way. We got to go to the front of the line however, because Toni had saved us a spot!
The show started and I found the photographer again. He was getting ready to leave, having only come to shoot the local band that was playing. He gave me his All Access Pass and I was going backstage again! I went up on the side of the stage to watch Marvelous 3. I turned around at one point and saw one of the roadies that had talked to us out front of Metro Pol, three years prior. I went over and told him how I knew him and he gave me backstage passes for Toni, Maren, and Kenny too. We some how managed to score passes in a place where we knew no one. Our egos were flying high.
Throughout the night we met so many people, I can't even remember how, but by the end of the night, we were getting invited to every after party in the area. I believe we said yes to all of them, but decided it would be best to head back to the hotel to get some rest before our road trip home the next day. I didn't get to hang out with Collective Soul that time, but while I was watching Marvelous 3 on the side of the stage, Dean, the rhythm guitar player and Shane the drummer, stood right next to me during th
e performance. I, of course, was having a silent heart attack with them so close but they didn't seem to notice, which was good!
The trip home was long, but we felt satisfied at our success getting backstage, and the best part? Another awesome Collective Soul story!
That following May, Maren, Toni, and I decided to take another road trip to Cleveland to see Collective Soul. This would be the last time we see them for 5 years. In that time, Ross the guitar player, and Shane the drummer left the band; Maren moved to Chicago; I attended and finished college; we saw less of Toni, even lesser of Nicole, and lost touch with Kyra altogether. The crew had dissolved and life wasn't as great as it used to be. I still contacted everyone to wish them a Happy Collective Soul Day every July 2nd to commemorate our first show together, but it definitely wasn't the same.
In 2004, with a new guitar player and new drummer, Collective Soul released "Youth," an album I hated at first, but now love so much I can't imagine it not existing. Two years later, they were playing in Chicago and Maren insisted I come out for the show. It was about 900 degrees at the Chicago Zoo, but there they were, Collective Soul (with 2 new faces which was def
initely hard to embrace at first) my favorite band, once again!
Summer of 2007, Collective Soul toured with Live and Counting Crows, bands that I have loved forever, I was so excited about the line up. I called Nicole who at that point, I hadn't seen in a few years, to see if she wanted to go with me. She said yes and her, my mom, my godmother, and myself headed off to the show. Of course it was amazing, Nicole was my first Collective Soul friend so reconnecting with her was great, the band brought us together again and we haven't been apart since. Nicole even took off her tank top (she had another shirt over top!) and we wrote, "Play 
Breathe!" in lipstick on it. They didn't play it but it was a perfect example of the ridiculousness this band has always driven us to.
April of 2008, I found out that Collective Soul was playing in Cleveland, only a two-hour drive, in support of their album, "Afterwords." Nicole and I decided to road trip it to my 10th Collective Soul Concert! We had dinner, wine, got drunk, had a blast. It was during that time that I was feeling some heartache for a boy, it had been some time but I couldn't get over it.
At one poin
t during the concert I was jumping up and down screaming and singing my head off. All of a sudden this wave of clarity washed over me and I stopped and realized that this is who I am. I'm the girl who still goes out of my mind for this band, I feel amazing, and if someone else has a problem with it, then its their problem, and at that moment, I was over the boy.
A few months later Collective Soul played Skyblast, a concert accompanied by fireworks, at the end of the Pirates baseball game. Once again Nicole and I had some wine, got a little drunk, and sat with my mom in her company seats. We missed the game, showing up only to see the band at the end, and while everyone else sat to enjoy the show, Nicole and I stood, singing and dancing as always, and embarrassing my mother in front of her colleagues.
The following summer I found out Collective Soul was once again playing Cleveland. I was getting over a break up, feeling guilty about calling the relationship off, and once again being at the show with Nicole brought me right back to who I was, and I felt be
tter. Shortly thereafter they released their most recent album, "Rabbit."
I don't know why this band has such an effect on me. Maybe its because they've been my favorite for 16 years, maybe they are what helped me find myself as a child so that is why they always bring me back to reality now, maybe they just make damn good music. Whatever the reason, they have brought enormous amounts of joy into my life. I have them to thank for my best friends in the world, and I know that whenever I'm feeling down, they will make it all better.
I hope they are around forever, although that is probably is a little farfetched, but I won't worry about that now. I'm on my way to get tickets for Nicole and I for Skyblast on June 5th. Our favorite band will be returning once again for what will be my 13th Collective Soul Concert!
