Out for Injury/Insanity

Thursday, August 25, 2011
Right now I'm laying in bed watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  My last yoga class was Tuesday.  I noticed that my flexibility was really good, but my balance wasn't so good.  I swear Zeb keeps the room at 800 degrees because I was on fire!  Once again, after my camel pose, when I went into the final Savasana, I got all teary eyed.  Camel really does bring everything out.

My day as a whole was difficult.  I received some sad news at work, then I had a customer from Virginia on the phone just as the earthquake was hitting.  Hearing her scream for her life, was, shall we say, unpleasant.  I didn't want to go to yoga, but I did.  I had been experiencing some pain just below my sternum and was hoping the class would make it better.  After class I had to go say goodbye to Nicole, who was leaving the next day, to move to New York City.  Again, unpleasant.

Wednesday was my sixth day in a row of working (I'm not so equipped to do that) so I just came home and lazed around.  No yoga.  Today was more of the same.  I am however, concerned with the pain in, what I'm thinking is, a pulled diaphragm.  It sounds silly, but it hurts to laugh, cough, and breathe sometimes.  I'm going to lay off for a while and try to restart the challenge in a few days (or maybe a week).  I feel like a big failure but at least this time I know what I'm getting myself into.

Perhaps in the meantime I'll find something even more exciting to blog about, but for now, Buffy.

Day 9 of 30 (or 60): Back in the Saddle!

The sun didn't start to rise until about half way through class!

Sunday, August 21, 2011
Alarm 5:15 A.M.  Oh my God, I'm actually going to do this.  I rolled out of bed (15 minutes later), made my coffee, grabbed my stuff, and headed down to my first 6 A.M. yoga class.

I was still bummed out that I missed yesterday, but I was super impressed that I was actually going to class this early.  By the time I arrived, I was wide awake and excited to be there.  The fact that I made myself go to bed at like 9:30 P.M. probably helped too.

There were five students total and I clearly was the novice.  I watched (even though you aren't supposed to) one of the instructors that I've never met, who was taking the class, glide into standing bow pose.  It was actually beautiful.  Every part of her was engaged, her form was perfect, I just stared on with envy.  Then looked back at my reflection and thought, oh boy, I have a ways to go!

I watched her do some of the extra floor poses (the teachers always do extras) and was moved once again by her ability.  My ability on the other hand, wasn't so good.  It may have been that I missed yesterday, or maybe it was because it was so early and my body just doesn't move that early in the morning, but I wasn't able to go as deeply into my poses as I could before.

On a lighter note, I had my first class with Mary, an awesome instructor, right up there with Zeb and Shannon.  She was also especially helpful in correcting my crap postures (everyone else was pretty much rocking it so the focus was on me).  It was almost as if I had my own personal yoga class.

After class I took a quick shower then drove over to work.  I felt energized and just plain good at first, but as the day wore on, I got sleepier and sleepier.  At one point, however, Maren texted me that Cherie (the instructor I watched gracefully move from pose to pose in my class) instructed her class and that she was awesome, so that made me happy.

By the time the work day was over, I was ready for bed, but had to go to my friend Nicole's going away party.  It was sad but fun, and my energy was restored.  Then it was a quick stop at the grocery store, a load of laundry, then preparations for the next day.

It was busy, but I was able to handle it, and I didn't feel like I wanted to shoot myself by the end of the night.  This is a good thing.  I was in bed by 11 P.M., and pumped for my next yoga class!  Woot!

Day 8 of 30 (or 60): FAIL

Saturday, August 21, 2011
Last night I couldn't sleep, I started to feel like I was getting sick, and I couldn't get to the 6 A.M. yoga.  FAIL!  I'm so disappointed in myself because it was the only class I was able to take because I had to work.  I was also disappointed because I knew Shannon was teaching it and I love her classes, and haven't had her in a while.

The day sucked as a whole.  I continued to feel worse and worse, and at one point declared to Matt, the poor sap that has to sit across from me at work, that I thought I had a fever. 

I didn't have to work in the evening and had been pumped to go see Brownie Mary at Jam on Walnut, but due to me feeling like poo, I ditched that too. 

When I arrived home, took my temperature (no fever), but I still felt bad.  It was 5 P.M., I got into my jammies, put on, "Honeymoon in Vegas" and grabbed the Doritos.  It turned out to be a pretty decent night. 

Determined to make it to the 6 A.M. class on Sunday, I was in bed by 9:30 P.M.  I've already failed my challenge, but I'm still going to continue.  No more failing here.  I'm ready to ROCK!

Day 7 or 30 (or 60): Ok, I don't totally hate Yoga

Post Yoga meal, Nom Nom Nom

Friday, August 19, 2011
I woke up proud of myself, that I made it through yoga yesterday.  It was so hard for me and I couldn't understand why, until I went to yoga again.

The day as a whole was fine.  Work was fine.  My boss, who I hadn't seen in a week or so, said that my skin looked great and my arms were ripped.  I simply replied, "Bikram Yoga."

A storm came through and there was a Britney Spears concert so I wasn't even sure I was going to make it to the 6 P.M. class, but I did, and so did Maren, just in the nick of time.  We had a new instructor who was way too giddy for my mood that day.  I wanted to relax, I didn't want it to be hard again.  It was.  Not completely though.  There are some poses I look forward to because I can do them easily, others, I just wince at the thought of them but know they will be over soon.

At this point in my journey, I definitely hate the entire standing (or warm up) series but don't mind the floor series as much.  Despite my shall we say, under appreciation for the instructor, she said two things that really made sense.  The first thing she said was that the poses that were the hardest for us, were probably the ones we needed and would benefit from the most.  The second thing was right after we came out of camel pose.  I was lying on the mat, excited that the class was nearly over, and she said that the camel pose, because it's such a deep back bend, brings out whatever emotions are locked up in the deepest part of the spine.  At that moment, my eyes started to well up.  She was right.

Throughout the class someone was in front of the building rocking out to WDVE, so while doing yoga I sang along (in my head of course) to the Allman Brothers, Aerosmith, Boston, and Blue Oyster Cult.  After we finished the Blowing In Firm Pose, we returned to our backs for the last Savasana, just as the Doors screamed, "Save our City!"  Maren and I immediately started laughing, which we knew would be disruptive to the mediators that obviously had missed Jim Morrison's call to the world, or at least our small class.

We retreated to the changing room's quickly, where I immediately began to whine about food.  I hadn't eaten since 12:30 P.M. and I was STARVING.  We went to Walnut Grove and I feasted on a pork chop stuffed with crab and gorgonzola cheese, with mashed potatoes and a bourbon demi glaze.  It was preceded by a caesar salad and bread, and ended with a caramelized walnut ball.  It was the perfect post yoga meal. *See above photo

Tomorrow I have to work and there aren't any evening classes so I have to make the 6 A.M. class.  Can I pull it off?  I don't know.

Day 6 of 30 (or 60): I Hate Yoga

After yoga, uggggh.

Thursday, August 18, 2011
I hated yoga today. I hated every single posture. I hated the breathing. I hated the room. I hated the heat. I hated the way I felt. I especially hated the triangle pose. I think that is my new least favorite position.

But let's back up. I had a great day off. I woke up late, had coffee and doughnuts in bed, blogged, relaxed. Then I went to the pool for a few hours, relaxed some more. I ran a few errands, then headed home to get ready for yoga. I had a great attitude going into it. I was excited for class, that soon changed.

I met Maren at the studio, and we engaged in small talk before class. As I lay there in the hot room I started to feel like I really didn't want to do yoga. I also noticed we had the so/so instructor (who I'm getting used to so I will stop referring to her as the so/so instructor).

As we started our warm up breathing, I knew it was going to be a looooong class.  Every second of the 90 minute class was hard.  Really hard.  When we were finally finished, I talked to Maren about it and she said that was her day yesterday, but today was much better for her.  That gives me hope.

I ended my evening with a hot dog, a hot shower, and bed.  Tomorrow will be better.  I pray it will be better.

Day 5 of 30 (or 60): Things are moving!

Maybe Day 30??

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

I woke up to a blue sky and I was thankful for it.  I didn't however, want to go to work….at all.  The time moved slowly and I had an overwhelming feeling of frustration all day long.  I'm thinking too much.  I'm grumpy. 

I was annoyed by everything.  I don't know why I'm feeling this way, well I sorta do, and that makes me mad too.  It wasn't until the guy that sits across from me at work started eating a scone that was the size of his head, that I smiled, laughed actually.

When I think too much I get like this.  This is why I write, too much crap swirling around in my head.  This is also one of the reasons I started doing yoga.  I can't wait for yoga.  I’m very thankful for that today.  I always feel better after yoga.  And my neck and back pain are completely gone, even with sitting all day long. 

I’ve been noticing that even my walking has become less of a struggle.  The tightness in my inner thighs and groin has gone away and I walk more seamlessly. 

I was tired as tired after work today and would have given anything to stay home from my 8 P.M. yoga class, but I knew I’d feel better so I sucked it up, picked up Maren, and we headed down. 

I laid on my mat in the heated room for a good 10 minutes (a few of them possibly sleeping) before Zeb (the best instructor ever) came in to teach class.  It was hard, as it is everyday, and even though my triangle pose still sucks and I still royally hate the awkward pose, I noticed other things getting better. 

I was able to extend my leg in standing head to knee and even lock my knee for a few seconds.  I was able to do camel pose without wanting to kill myself.  And I could once again touch my head to my knee in sitting head to knee pose (I’m not sure where in my life I stopped being able to do that one).  All in all, my flexibility is returning and I am loving it!

I felt stronger throughout the practice and I loved it more today.  By the time we were finished, I wasn’t tired anymore, I was energized, and I was happy, a feeling I had been waiting for all day long. 

Maren said she was disappointed that she is not improving as quickly as she would like, but I think we are both improving quite well.  We’ve only been there five times and I think we are doing pretty awesomely just making it this far. 

Tomorrow is my day off and I have a busy one planned, but what I’m looking forward to the most is my 8 P.M. practice!

Day 4 of 30 (or 60): Balance, or Lack Thereof

Me after my fourth yoga class, clutching my nasty Coconut Water

Tuesday, August 16th 2011
Happy Birthday Nabil!  Happy Birthday Madonna!

Other than those two lovely birthdays, my day was fraught with restlessness and feelings of wanting to rip my skin off.  I felt energized most of the day but then all of a sudden, discomfort.  On a lighter note, I'm not in any yoga pain! 

I might have an opportunity to change my shift at work that may be a good move or a not so good move, I don't know the answer.  I'm thinking that is really why I'm feeling this way.  When I don’t know the answer or I’m faced with change, I feel like crap.  The positive in this negative feeling?  I can’t wait until Yoga.

Maren worked late tonight so we went to the 8 P.M. class.  It was nice because there weren’t as many people there, but the usual faces weren’t there either, and the instructor (who we’ve never had before) was just so/so.

I was excited to make it through the awkward poses (squats) with less difficulty, although I still hated them more than anything.  But I was disappointed in my standing balance poses.  I fell out of eagle pose, balancing stick, and tree pose, poses that I generally have no problem with.  I was focusing a lot on my alignment so perhaps before, I just wasn’t aligning properly and my misalignment is what kept me balanced.  I was kinda bummed, but understand that I can come back tomorrow and work on it. 

I once again walked out of yoga feeling healthy, strong, calm, and alive.  Our post yoga discussions included our so/so instructor, and the nasty Coconut Water they sold me.  I really don’t care how good Coconut Water is at replenishing electrolytes, I’ll stick to my Emergen-C. 

I spent the remainder of the conversation convincing Maren to come to class tomorrow.   But even if she doesn’t come, I will be there.  I have to be.  Not even because of the commitment I’ve made, but because my body already needs it.

Day 3 of 30 (or 60): HARD or at least until yoga was over

This pic makes me immediately relax

Monday, August 15, 2011

I woke up today tired, groggy, achy.  I spent the morning looking forward to my seemingly simple day.  Work, Yoga, Dinner, Shower, Bed.  As the day wore on however.  All I wanted, was my bed.  I had excruciating pain in my neck and upper back. By the time I finished work, I could barely move or keep my eyes open.  But yoga was at 6 P. M. and I had to do it.

Maren and I, both sore, limped into class.  I laid on my mat trying not to fall asleep before we even began.  I wasn’t sure how my back bends were going to go because I felt like my back and neck were broken.  But I made it through. 

What struck me the most however, was my triangle pose.  I was right in front of the mirror doing it, and it looked nothing like it was supposed to.  My knee was not at 90 degrees, my hips weren’t right, and it hurt like hell.  I’m realizing more and more how inflexible and weak I actually am. 

My other weakness is the Awkward Pose, or good old fashioned squat. I’ve avoided these for years for fear they would make my leg bulky.  I curse the Shannon (the instructor) every time she calls for that pose. 

Maren did her first almost sit up and that was exciting, but for the most part, I think we are both still feeling stiff and awkward.  But hey, it’s only day 3.  I will say this though, in the previous two classes 90 minutes went fast, today, it felt like 90 minutes.

Each day we end in Savasana, deep relaxation.  The lights are turned down, we are told what an accomplishment we have achieved, and how our lives will change more each time we come to class.  Then Shannon said something that I can’t seem to get out of my head.  She said,

“Every day you will look in the mirror, and every day your image will change, because with every practice, you change.”   

I had been just thinking about that, looking at my frumpy reflection, hoping, it would change. 

As we were laying there she told us that Dax, the visiting instructor, the guy with the tiny red shorts who stood in front of me my first class and was my focus of balance and inspiration, is leaving to go back to his country.  After that first class, I learned he was an instructor and had been looking forward to being in one of his classes.  When she announced he was leaving, I was in Savasana and my eyes started to well up.  I was truly sad. 

After class I drove Maren home and we once again discussed our yoga triumphs and defeats.  Something that surprised me was that as soon as I walked out of yoga, even after doing the back bends and neck bends, everything that had been hurting me throughout the day felt better.  The pain was completely gone.  No tightness, no nothing, just an energy force flowing through my body.  I felt good.

Holy Batman, its Day 2!

This is me after 2 days of yoga (ok not really)

Sunday August 14, 2011

- Internal Conversation with self:

8:30 A.M. alarm, uggggh.  SNOOZE! Alarm again.  What time did I text Maren yesterday to say I was on my way?  **checks phone**  5 minutes ago.  Flip legs over the side, upper back SORE, hamstrings SORE.  I’ll be OK once I get moving.  Make coffee and get dressed fast, we’ll make it. 

Self Conversation ends when Maren gets into the car –

“I’m sore,” she says.  “Me too.”  I say.  As we drive tiredly to our second class I notice a helicopter.

“Hey maybe we will finally find Batman today,” I say. 

I’ve been waiting to run into Christian Bale since the movie started filming here in Pittsburgh. 

So we trudged into our second class, I was hoping that going into the warm studio would help loosen me up.  Maren and I were sitting, talking about our hopes for our second class, ie, I hope I don’t pass out, I hope I can do a sit up, when I looked over and noticed a girl walking into the room.  I said to myself, “Hm, she kinda looks like Anne Hathaway.” And as she got closer to me, I said to myself, “Hm, that IS Anne Hathaway.” 

Now I don’t mean to be a hater, but historically, I hate Anne Hathaway.  I have no real reasoning for this, but I freak out if she is in a movie I want to see, and furthermore, was royally peeved when I found out she is going to be in Batman.  But there she was, a few sweaty people away from me, struggling through the poses, sweat pouring, face red, even having to stop a few times.  For that moment, she was just another girl in a yoga class.  How can I hate her now?

The practice for me today was harder.  I was tighter so things hurt more.  I was upset that yesterday, I was able to do the standing head to knee, but today I couldn’t (Anne couldn’t do it either).  I also sweat a lot more today, but I was ok with it, just another day in the journey. 

After class was over, I once again spent a moment on my mat being thankful for getting through the class and having the strength to come back.  Anne and I made our way over to the water fountain, but no one bothered her and so I decided not to tell her that due to today’s yoga, I no longer hated her. 

Maren and I had doughnuts from Peace Love and Little Doughnuts (which were awesome) and I had some coffee and we sat outside enjoying the early afternoon.  Everything felt great and those moments, those feelings, are exactly what I’m looking for. 

By the time I got home I was beat, but I still wanted to throw in some HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training).  I only did three rounds for a 12 minutes total, and I was wiped out, I laid on my bed until my mom called me to go to the store for her. 

I spent the rest of my day and evening at my mom’s doing laundry, blogging, and reading, and it felt amazing.  Usually by the end of the day I’m beginning to dread the next work day, but something happened and I realized that I was in the moment, and enjoying it.  One of my biggest problems in life is my inability to live in the moment, but there I was. 

When I came home, I showered, put away my clothes, and got my stuff ready for the next day.  I wasn’t unhappy about it the way that I usually am, I was just doing it, and I was happy.  Is yoga doing this to me so quickly?  I don’t know.  But whatever it is, it’s working and I’m not messing with it.

Right now, I just finished some pie concoction my mom made that was actually good, and I’m reflecting on how simple yet awesome my Sunday was.  I’m really excited about it.  I’m also really excited about class tomorrow, although I’m not sure how well I’ll be doing because as of right now, it’s hard to move any and every part of my body. 

Day 1 of 30 (or maybe 60): The Perfect Day!

Four Days before my yoga journey began.  Stuffed full of food at Riverside before the A Perfect Circle Concert.

Day 1 of what you might ask?  Let’s start from the top.  I started a blog, then I abandoned it.  Mostly because I haven’t felt like I’ve had anything to write or had anything going on to write about.  In truth, everything has been going on. 

When I started blogging (or lack there of) I wasn’t really sure where it would take me.  I wanted it to be something other people would like to read.  I wanted it to inspire others, and I wanted it to inspire me.  When I turned 29, I wanted to embark on this life changing journey that would roll me into 30 with a bang, and well, it’s been a big bang and my birthday is still four months away. 

It wasn’t exactly what I asked for.  I was looking more for amazing and exciting adventures that would change my life forever.  Instead I lost a job I didn’t really want and was forced to look at where I was in my life, and why I was too afraid to change it.  At the time it seemed like the end of the world, and it kinda was.  A bad world. 

Now as I head into a new job, new writing (started writing a new book and I’m finishing the last one), I realized that I was still overwhelmed, I was still disconnected.  I needed something to change inside.

I’ve tried yoga videos here and there for a very long time, but I was never able to stick with it.  I would always get bored, not sure that I was doing the positions correctly, and be discouraged by the lack of Zen in my living room compared to yoga studios I’ve seen on TV and in magazines. 

I’m not sure how it came to me, probably another divine intervention coming into my brain saying, “Save Me!” but I decided I was going to take up yoga, real yoga.  I was going to go to a studio.  Furthermore, and again I’m not sure where the decision came from, I wanted to do Bikram Yoga, the hot stuff. 

Then I remember seeing some Facebook posts of a girl I went to high school with who did a 30 Day Yoga Challenge (going to yoga for 30 days straight) last year.  I remember being excited and coveting the experience myself.  Could I now do it too?  And upon further research found that a 60 Day Challenge is the actual king of Bikram Yoga Challenges.  Woah, 60 days straight, I don’t know about that one.  I’m not even sure I can commit to 30 days in a row, as due to work, I would occasionally have to make it to a 6 A.M. class. 

I enlisted anyone I could find to come to my first class with me, I didn’t want to do it alone.  And after a few fails, I sucked it up and realized I was just going to have to go by myself.  Then at the last minute, Maren said she would go with me!

I picked up Maren for our first class, Saturday August 13^th.  We were nervous, not sure what to expect, not sure if we could do it.  We arrived early for our 10 A. M. class and went into the room to get used to the heat.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be.  After a while our yoga instructor Zeb came in, and we got started. 

First pose, Pranayama, or standing deep breath.  It’s pretty self explanatory.  Your standing, your breathing deeply, and moving your neck from back to front.  I’m already dizzy.  I haven’t even moved yet.  This is not good.  I feel the sweat start to drip down my legs.  Ok, the room is hot, I expected this.  As we move into Half Moon Pose, things start to feel tight.  I know I’m not flexible, but this is a little ridiculous.  I look in the mirror.  I look like a frumpy, out of shape, inflexible old lady, exactly what I’m trying to avoid.  I realize to myself that there is no way I can make this easier so I suck it up and trudge my way through the 26 poses while sweat is pouring (and I mean pouring like never before) down every part of me. 

It was hard, but not as hard as I thought it would be.  For most things in my life, I try to cut corners to make them easier on myself.  With yoga, you just can’t do that, so I gave up and it became easier, well, doable.  I’m wondering if that is how I was able to bounce back from getting fired a few months back.  I felt like crap, I got another job, then another one on top of it, but all I wanted to do was lay in bed forever and truly felt that is all I would have the strength and ability to ever do.  When I realized it was not an option (or at least not a good option) I sucked it up and went on, and things became doable. 

As we came to our last relaxation pose, I was laying on my mat smiling.  I knew I had found my place, I knew this was where I needed to be.  30 days seemed like a hefty commitment, especially since I had just been complaining that I was always committed to something and never had time to breathe.  But this was different, I was breathing.

After class, we changed out of our sopping clothes, wiped ourselves down, and went down the street to have brunch with AJ and Lianne at Pamela’s.  We sat outside and enjoyed the DELICIOUS food and awesome conversation.  Then we walked around the Strip District, checking out all of the vendors and specialty food shops.  It was a perfect Saturday and I don’t think I’ve ever said that before. 

Our fun was cut short as I had to leave to get ready for work at the restaurant.  And even through the rush and some grumpy customers, I felt calmer and happier.  I went to bed excited for my next class and definitely feeling like I was going for the 60 Day Challenge.  And then the soreness started to set in……

365 til 30: When you’re feeling blue, just trust in Black.

So in the last blog I posted, I really came clean about my current life.  I recently became out of work, I’m struggling to really focus on getting all of the things I set out to do by age 30 completed, I’m working on my next step in life, and I finished writing a book (which may seem awesome to some, but is simultaneously terrifying).

I didn’t make any recreational plans for the weekend so I could focus on my goals, and save a little cash.  But my roommate surprised me one evening (actually the person he was supposed to go with bailed) and asked me if I wanted to go see Lewis Black Live, on Saturday.  I nearly jumped out of my seat,

“Lewis Black?”  I shrieked, “He’s one of my favorites, why didn’t you ask me first?” 

“Because you usually work on Saturday nights.”  He responded.

Oh, yea, I got fired.

I immediately said yes and remembered that seeing one of my favorite comedians, not just anyone at a comedy club, but a famous one that I love, is on my 365 til 30 list.  Yes! 

Then Saturday rolled around.  It was gloomy and cold, and I spent the day in bed watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and entering publishers information into an Excel database (yes that actually does serve a purpose for me).  I was feeling depressed and the last thing I wanted to do was leave the comfort of bed or Angel (David Boreanaz’s character on Buffy) to go anywhere. 

My roommate came home and I asked him if he really wanted to go, trying to hint that I didn’t, which he picked up on immediately and said, “We’re going!”  So I begrudgingly got dressed and went to the show.  Man, I’m glad I did.

I had first heard of Lewis Black back when I was in college and he made regular appearances on the Daily Show with Jon Stewart.  His “correspondence” if you can call it that, was in one-minute increments and consistently left me in tears from laughing so hard.  The stand up show I attended last night, was an hour and a half of full on Lewis Black.

He talked about Cell Phones, Facebook, Getting Old, Airport Security, and of course Politics.  All subjects not surprising for a comedian, but I challenge anyone to present them in the way that he does.  

I haven’t laughed that hard for that long, in as long as I can remember.  When we were leaving, my mood had been completely transformed and I smiled the entire way home.

I thought back to my old psychology classes that taught that laughter was a natural painkiller.  I’ll tell you something; I felt no pain, no worry, no negativity, just pure unbridled joy after that performance. 

Some of his comedy may be considered off color, but to me its perfect and I thank Lewis Black for just being Lewis Black.  I also thank my roommate, for not letting me be a baby, and making me go see one of my favorite comedians of all time AND allowing me to check something off of my things to do before 30. 

Ya know, the cold, gray rain doesn’t even bother me today.  I guess I just have Lewis Black hangover!

Check out a short clip of the hilarity I was privileged enough to witness last night.

365 til 30: 4 Month Review

I'm writing this blog because more than anything else, I need to.  I'm not even writing it in Word first so i can edit it.  I'm just throwing it out there, raw, as is.  My last post was at the end of March, and as it is the end of April, I would say it is time for a little update.  

This month, although I haven't posted anything, I would like to entitle my Manic Depressive month.  Not so much in regards to my mood, but more so in regards to my general life.  Let's see, what have I done in these four weeks?

First and foremost I started scuba lessons.  I had been wanting to do scuba for as long as i could remember, it was even listed on a massive list i wrote about 10 years ago listing all of the things I wished to accomplish in my life.  Breathing underwater was scary at first, but I feel madly in love with scuba very quickly.  A more detailed story will soon follow.  

Then work drama began.  I tried to remove myself from it, but I kept getting sucked in and it began to eat away at my soul.  I had been working on my novel still here and there, and still trying to keep my positive energy going, but work was really taking a lot out of me.  For the love of god, I worked as a server, I shouldn't have this much drama to deal with.

Then I met my favorite author of all time and he provided me with some exciting news that will also be soon to follow.  The next day I went to scuba and mentioned that I was writing a book and found out that my scuba instructor was a well established editor and would be willing to edit my book for me (once I finally finished it).

One week later, the drama had escalated at work and I was fired for the first time in my life.  It was humiliating and I felt like a big loser being fired from a waitressing job.  I didn't handle it too well, but everyone around me, including my mother told me it was the best thing that could have happened to me and once I thought about it, I agreed.

I used my serving job to put off my writing because serving is easy money and I was scared of what my writing might bring me.  I mean I worked on it somewhat regularly, but not like I should have been.  And serving was supposed to be a temporary position until I figured out what to do with my writings and nearly three years later, I was still putting it off.  And while it was hurtful to me to see the conniving that went into my dismissal, it was also humbling to see that most people, coworkers and customers alike, were outraged at the outcome.  

I however, as much as i'm going to miss my friends there, couldn't be happier.  I have my fearful moments regarding the future, but I don't have any desire to go back, only forward.  And the irony of it all?  Within on week of being unemployed, my novel was finished.  My pitch list is nearly complete to send to publishers, and I'm living my dream, my way, with no distractions.  

As much as it angers me at times, I must thank those who were involved because my own lack of self discipline prevented me from pushing myself and they, not even knowing,  made me do it.  I believe in Karma, and I believe that what goes around comes around and will, for those people.  But I have been shown that sometimes and awful act by some people, can be just the key we need to accelerate to the next level!  So I send them peace, love,  and thanks for all they have done for me, malicious intentions and all.

Month 5 is going to rock.  And whether I get an advance for my 365 til 30 (which I really need to get cracking on) or not, I'm still going to do it to the best of my ability because that is what I do.  And even if the editor comes back and says the novel sucks, I'm going to rewrite it until its great.  I'm a writer, and no one can take that away from me.

365 til 30: 3 Month Review

I woke up this morning ready to post my 3 month review with all the excuses as to why I haven’t been working on my blog and all of the things I wish to accomplish before I’m 30 and I deleted it because it’s all crap.  The only reason I’m not fulfilling my dreams is me.  I’m the only one preventing them from happening.

I’ve always been uncomfortable to the idea of change, especially scary change.  Of course writing a blog isn’t scary, but trying new things can be, especially at my age.  My novel is half way finished, something I’ve never thought I would be able to pull off, and I have started a few new habits. 

First of all I’ve started taking scuba lessons.  I first got the idea to do this probably 10 years ago, but put it off every year for one reason or another.  Secondly, I’ve been meditating a lot more, still not everyday, that changes right now, and I’ve been calling my grandma more.  Some of these sound stupid, like how could they be goals, but sometimes in life, we fall into holes that make even the smallest tasks seem difficult. 

I’ve been sick the past two days and have spent it lying on my couch watching television.  For a moment, it was great, the perfect escape.  But it allowed my to reflect on this past year so far, a year that is going so fast.  While I’ve made a few strides of progress, its not enough.  The weather is starting to clear the sun is starting to show again. 

I went to bed last night with all of these ideas, oh, I’ll just ease into things, oh, I need to do yoga to release pent up energy, yes that will help.  Forget it.  I woke up this morning with sheer determination.  Life is too short to wait, be afraid, or put it off until tomorrow.  I’ve been doing that for 16 years, I think its time to do something today.

I don’t have any specific goals for this next month except to go for everything full force with no fear.  By my next update entry, my book will be finished, that is a fact, and I will no longer be afraid of anything that might stand in my way.  Well I guess those are goals after all.