Uninspired

How do you write a blog when you are feeling uninspired?  I have many ideas for blogs, a long list of subjects, but I like to be inspired when I’m writing them.  I feel like it makes for a better read.  Lately though, I haven’t really been inspired by anything.  But since I need to write, I will try to explain my lack of inspiration and perhaps in the course of writing this, figure out how to turn the tide.

Reason 1:  Cold, Gray January in Pittsburgh. 

I was born in Fort Lauderdale and moved to Pittsburgh just before my fourth birthday.  I vividly remember living there, and the real appreciation for Florida came when I moved to Pittsburgh.  I moved here in October of that year, and the overwhelming feeling I remember having, was that it was dark here all the time.  I remember being inside a lot and wondering when it was going to be light again.  Every January since then, all 25 years of them, I go through the same thing.  The past two days I’ve woken up to a dark gray sky that has stayed the same color until it turns black at night.  While I have a sunlamp….

http://www.amazon.com/Sunbox-Light-Therapy-Desk-Lamp/dp/B001KLXP6Y/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&qid=1296529314&sr=8-4

…it doesn’t replace the real thing.  All I want to do is lay on the couch and watch movies, and yesterday, I did.  Today I actually worked on my book a little then went ice-skating with my friend.  However I still have nothing I feel like writing about.  Gray Sky = UNINSPIRED #1

Reason 2:  Writing a Book 

I’ve never written a book before.  I’ve never written any fiction before, it’s definitely something new for me.  Surprisingly, its coming very easily to me, but I find that when I’m not writing, instead of looking around for inspiring ideas to blog about, I’m thinking about where I’m going to take my characters next in the book.  When I make time to write, I spend my time working on the book rather then working on the blog, interviewing people for stories, or experiencing things (also associated with the weather).  New Book Writer = UNINSPIRED #2

Reason 3: Personality Disorder

I am a slacker.  I don’t like to be, but I am.  I’m also a procrastinator and I have time management issues.  When I get started I’m fine, I generally get lost in what I’m doing and I like that.  The problem is getting me to that moment.  I tend to put things off until the last minute then when I do get engrossed, only have minimal time to complete it.  I also tend to do things in a way that isn’t the most time efficient.  Just Being Me = UNINSPIRED #3

So in the end I have three main reasons I’m not blogging as efficiently as I could be.  How to get over it?  I have no idea.  These are three major aspects of my personality that have been present since birth, or at least as long as I can remember.  I guess I’ll never get to be one of those people that coasts through life easily multi-tasking and accomplishing. I’ll just have to be more conscious of my time, push through the gray blah’s of January, and make my book time and my blog time separate but equally important.

Untitled I by Robinson Gray

So anyway, I'm sitting at the bar at Max & Erma's on my third glass of wine trying to list as many words as I can that rhyme with "whore" when my hot 21-year-old lesbian friend Tara comes over and randomly says to me, "55.  67."  So I write it down to decipher later because right now I only have 35, but wait, what about "eeyore," and isn't "azure" a color?  Sure it is and that's 37.  And "sure" is surely 38.  And Duffy's singing "Rockferry" and two hot blondes sit in conversation at a table and two hot brunettes chat at the bar and Michelle is washing glasses and I check my cell and it's 7:59 PM.

And Steph's at the register, and she just recently broke up with Shawn and I think of Holly and Mike, who also broke up, and now Holly is in Johnstown living with her mom living with the dude who lived across the street from me growing up, briefly, until he was busted for armed bank robbery and served 20 years before meeting Holly's mom and I think, "Isn't it a small world after all?" as I start my fourth.

I sneeze and Tara and Michelle and Steph and the portly woman from West Virginia sitting next to me all say in unison "Bless you" and I think about Charlottesville & the research firm when Jim Witt sneezed and everyone said "Bless you" and Jim Witt responded in classic Jim Witt fashion: "Thank you, thank you very much!  It's been a pleasure sneezing for you!"  And now thoughts of Christine and Dana and Holly the Fed-Ex girl and Lisa Bistro and Rebecca the Russian Lit/Jefferson scholar and Dr. Milagros from Peru, oh, and what was that cute little blonde intern's name I took to the Monticello picnic?  It was all so long ago but only a moment.

And now it's 8:18 PM and it's just me and the two hot brunettes and the two hot blondes and Michelle and Steph and Tara and her two ex-girlfriends, and this is a microcosm of my life, alone, surrounded by hot girls and lesbians.  With Dave Matthews Band and "Crush" I segue from C'ville to Toledo and the courthouse babes and Packo's and Easy Street and jello shots at work at the end of the day.  "Is it real or am I dreaming?"  And Steph has changed into civilian clothes and Tara's now in purple to match her nails and Mraz and Caillat sing about being in love with their best friend and I have to go.

And Daughtry escorts me from Max & Erma's onto Stanwix and Michelle's smoking a cigarette and wishes me a goodnight and I hook a left on Penn and how many times have I taken this walk the past 18 months?  All my haunts.  They all know me down here, the Norm of Dahntahn.  Paula at Bossa Nova, Ryan and Katelyn at Backstage Bar.  I pass Blush, and I think of the night with Caitlyn from Alexander's and our run-in with her ex and the homeless guy looking on with deep concern but then asking us for money.  Seviche with Jess and Nikki.  Sonoma with Becky and Jessica and Sonoma Kelly, the hot babe daughter of the hottest of the Joe DiNardo girls, and again, what a small world.  Finally Henry's with crazy Lisa smokin' ganja in the ladies room (her, not me) and of course Brandy and the Dylan show on my 39th birthday, the second best ever to my 40th , which was beyond compare.  And then back to the Pennsylvanian, wasted on a Friday night for the, what, fiftieth? and final time and I think about the last year and a half – has it been that long?? -- and how it's encompassed both the worst and the best times of my life and I think, "yeah, life sure does suck sometimes, but all and all it's pretty damn good."

Bacon!

Bacon Dip

Never in my life did I think I would be writing a story about bacon, but here we are.  It all started at my birthday dinner.  My friend AJ was talking about how he went to bacon night at Harris’s Grille and decided that he wanted to have a bacon party.  At first I thought he was joking, then last week a got an email that the bacon party was a go. 

From the day AJ and I started hanging out, he has always been a big Scrooge when it comes to birthdays.  He told me that he wasn’t into celebrating and wouldn’t even tell me his birth date for years.  I guess all it took was bacon because before I knew it, the joke turned into reality and he was inviting me to his bacon party Sunday afternoon! 

Bacon Chowder

He told me all the food was being taken care of, so I knew I needed to get him a really funny gift.  I went to Borders Saturday night after the Steeler game (so their were no customers) and I asked one of the workers what she had on bacon.  She looked perplexed so I explained the concept of the party and she loved it.  She looked at her computer and found a book, “Bacon:  A Love Story.”  I said, “I’ll take it!” but she had to order it.  Foiled!

Bacon wrapped shrimp with pineapples

The only thing in stock was a Bacon calendar, so we proceeded down to the calendar section.  We looked around but couldn’t find it so she got on her headset and said,

“Hey, has anyone seen a calendar about bacon?”

There was a short pause and she repeated, “Bacon.”

Ha ha!

Bacon Cornbread

We found the tear away calendar that had facts, jokes, and quotes about bacon, 365 of them.  I paired that with a Bobby Flay cookbook to complete my gift.

I didn’t really know what to expect from this bacon party, but I went with an appetite.  When AJ said everything would be made with bacon, he didn’t lie.  We had bacon dip, bacon cornbread,bacon pierogies, bacon cheesy bread, bacon wrapped shrimp with pineapple, bacon   wrapped jalapenos, and yes, even a bacon cake. 

AJ and his Elvis Cake

The cake was the best.  It was called an Elvis cake and was made up of fried bananas in the filling and peanut butter cream with bourbon icing topped off with you guessed it, bacon!

 

So my review of the party?  I give it two thumbs up.  It was funny, innovative, delicious, and made for great conversation.  It was hard to move after consuming so much bacon, but it was worth every second.  Happy Birthday AJ and well done!  See this is why we celebrate birthdays, for bacon if for nothing else.

Month One Review

It has been one month since my 29^th Birthday and I haven’t been doing as well as I could on my, “Things to do before I’m 30.”  Truthfully, I’ve only accomplished two things.  What is holding me back?  I have some insights, but first, lets talk about the two things I actually have completed, and on the same day no less.

First I went to the Vatican exhibit.  While the exhibit itself wasn’t on my list, its location was.  When you live in a city your entire life, you tend to think that all of the exciting attractions and locations have been exhausted, and that is definitely not true.  I live about five minutes from the Heinz History Museum and have never been there.  I love history, I love museums, and I’m always saying there is nothing to do in this city, why then, have I never gone?  I don’t know.  So when I found out they were exhibiting stuff from the Vatican, I knew it was time to go.  The exhibit wasn’t too exciting, but it was good, I was able to cross something off of my list, and I finally made it to the Heinz History Museum.

Later that night I went ice-skating around the Christmas tree at PPG.  That was fantastic!  First of all, I can actually ice skate.  I never thought I could.  Secondly, there is something amazing about ice-skating around a Christmas tree outside while Christmas Carols are playing.  It is so awesome and I will now go every year.

I’ve gone again, the tree is still erected, but there are no more Christmas Carols and a lot less people.  It was still fun, and I felt more confident at skating, but something about the Christmas season makes it so much better.

So that’s it.  One month gone.  31 days and only two items completed.  I’m definitely disappointed, but I think the problem is that I was putting too much pressure on myself.  I tend to retreat when I feel overwhelmed.  I wish I was one of those people that thrived off of pressure, but unfortunately I am not.  And there is no other pressure that is more toxic for me then the pressure I inflict upon myself.

I had this revelation just a few days ago and it has made a world of difference.  I have actually started working on my book, with no grandiose daily page expectations, and I haven’t felt stuck.  I started feeling like everything was possible again.

For this next month I’m going to focus on habits that I want to develop such as doing yoga more regularly, meditating every day (although I meditate regularly, I don’t do it every single day), call my grandma more often, continue working on my book every day, and making sure I complete at least a few activities per week.  I think if I start off slowly that the rest will pick up. 

That is my month one review, not a complete loss but definitely not a success.  I feel confident though that next month will be better, and the month after that will be even better, and soon, everything will be rolling along smoothly. 

Costa Rican Adventure

When I was 17, I went to Costa Rica.  How it came about, how my mom afforded the trip for me, how I even decided I truly wanted to go, I have no idea, but I went, and it was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. 

My high school offered school trips through the language departments.  The most popular and widely taken one was the French trip.  I was a Spanish student and by the time I entered 11^th Grade, didn’t even know the Spanish department offered a trip. 

A flyer must have been passed around in class saying something like, “Sign up for the Spanish trip to Costa Rica, only $1700!” and I probably didn’t think much of it, that kind of money was a little out of my family’s price range.  I must have mentioned it to my mom, however, and she must have said yes because before I knew it, I was on a plane to the tiny Central American Country.

I remember arriving at the hot congested airport.  I had massively over packed for some reason (probably because I didn’t let my mom do it for me) and had to drag around a heavy suitcase and bag.  But I didn’t care, I was in Costa Rica!

First day, San Jose.  I needed a nap but everyone else went to the pool.  In addition to being tired I was also avoiding being seen in a bathing suit, an affliction I suffered for many years preceding and many years after.  It is my biggest regret from that trip, having something so stupid on my mind while I should have been enjoying such an amazing experience.  But I digress. 

I was suddenly awoken from my nap by my roommates who told me to get my butt down to the pool area, there was a Mr. Costa Rica Pageant happening!  Now, it wasn’t like a typical beauty pageant, it basically was a bunch of hunky men in minimal clothing flexing for cameras in front of a swimming pool…..and a bunch of 17-year-olds from Pittsburgh gawking over them.

Mr. Costa Rica Pageant

While in San Jose we did some touristy stuff and visited museums and even got to go to a Discotheque!  My friend and I were the only two old enough to get in and we danced the night away (with a few teachers) while all the other kids had to stay at the hotel.  We felt triumphant. 

Playing Soccer at the Base of the Arenal Volcano

The rest of the trip was taken in a rickety bus ride down dirt roads to places that took forever to get to, but was worth every second.  On our way to the Arenal Volcano we stopped for lunch at huge field in front of a church.  Some of my classmates joined the locals and played some soccer then we ate lunch at an outdoor restaurant that looked like a huge grove. 

We arrived at the volcano base at the Thermal Pools of Tabacon.  According to my teacher this is now a luxury resort that students are no longer permitted to visit.  It is one of my favorite Costa Rican experiences.  I was truly in the middle of a tropical paradise, with lush vegetation, black rock, and pools filled with natural springs.  There was even a swimming pool that was fed with the water from the hot springs.

Thermal Pools of Tabacon

After a hike up to as close to the volcano as we cold get, we spent the evening swimming in the hot springs pool.  At one point I remember seeing something falling from the sky.  I looked up and realized it was ash, the volcano was erupting!  It was just a little erupt, nothing dangerous, but magenta lava was flowing down the side and the ash was raining on us. 

After that we were off to a tiny town, to the hotel with no air conditioning, no window screens, and only one phone in the entire place.  The accompanying village had only a dirt road and the electricity went off after dark. 

Hike to the Volcano

The next day was the most fun activity of the trip, Sky Trekking.  We hiked into the rainforest and climbed a chain latter to a platform at the top of a tree.  We put on a harness and a helmet, and were hooked to a zip line that ran across the top of the trees to another platform.  Then we unhooked ourselves and hiked to the next zip line.  It felt like flying.  

The experience of traveling by bus through the rainforest is a difficult one to describe.  I was listening to Madonna’s Ray of Light album that had recently come out, and I must have fallen asleep because when I woke up and looked out the window, it was as if I had stuck my head into a picture storybook.  I had never seen anything so unreal or beautiful.  I remember starting to cry and looking around at the other students and some of them were crying too. 

Sky Trekking

After many hikes through many rainforests listening to many animals, we finally made it to a Costa Rican beach.  I was born in Fort Lauderdale and had never visited a beach I liked better until I went to Costa Rica.  Like everything else, we had to walk a bit to get to it.  On the way we saw hippy American surfers selling jewelry and other homemade trinkets, to support their surfing habit. 

We walked through some trees that opened up to a beach with tropical plant life, toucans, monkeys that ate our crackers, and the warmest water I’ve ever felt.  Once again I was initially plagued by my bathing suit insecurities, but after I got into the water, it all fell away.  

The best beach I've ever visited

The last night of our Costa Rican Adventure was spent back in the capital city of San Jose.  We had dinner, played games in the lobby, and just hung out, reminiscing about this amazing trip we just took.

As I sit here now looking outside at the snow, nearly 12 years later, I would give anything to be back in that tropical paradise again.  My new found fear of flying may put a damper in any imminent plans to visit Costa Rica, but I know I’ll make it back again.

BOOK REVIEW: The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

Type of Book:  Spiritually Enlightening

I’m always in the market for books to enhance my spirituality but since there are a million of them out there, I can never seem to decide which ones to choose.  A few years ago I saw a woman named Suzanne Whang on, “Oprah After The Show”, talking about “The Secret” and how she applied it to her life.  I was inspired by her story and never seemed to forget her.  A few months ago I decided to do a Google search to see if she had any other insightful information to share.

In another interview she recommended the book, “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.  So I immediately ordered it.  It took me a while to read it, and when I started, it seemed like it was not only going to be an easy read, as it is a short book and the words are quite large, but also an interesting one.

Well it was just ok.  I mean it was definitely a quick read, and the points he made were really insightful, but you can tell (and I verified by looking into it further) that the book has been translated.  And not translated like other books are translated, it was seemingly translated word for word, so some of it comes across as hokey.  But that aside, the message was very good.

The First Agreement:  Be Impeccable With Your Word.  It basically says that speaking the truth, being kind, and never gossiping will help you lead a better life.  Not always easy, but I agree.  It also gives examples, such as how something that makes a person happy could change by the words of someone else. 

The Second Agreement:  Don’t Take Anything Personally.  Stemming from the first Agreement, this states that nothing that anyone else does is about you, so don’t take it personally.  Simple, right?

The Third Agreement:  Don’t Make Assumptions.  This is probably my favorite because I have conversations with my friends about this all the time.  You need to be clear, you need to be thorough, and you need to ask questions, to avoid a lot of unnecessary pain. 

The Fourth Agreement:  Do Your Best.  This is the one I think we all need to work on the most.  The chapter illustrates that doing more, isn’t necessarily doing your best.  Some days your best will be better than other days, but as long as it’s your best, you will lead a happy life. 

All in all the book had a great message, it began and ended with ancient teachings that spoke of the agreements and ways to relinquish unhappiness and live our lives in joy.  The book tended to be redundant in places and some of the examples seemed silly at times, but I’m attributing that to translation.  I would definitely recommend it though, a lot can be taken from it.

Next on the reading list:  The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown

Happy New Year!

NY EVE '07 (no pics this year, thank goodness!)

I never really understood the excitement of New Year’s Eve.  I guess at the crudest level it is seen as the biggest party of the year.  For most people however, New Year carries more of a symbolic starting point to begin again.  Or maybe New Year signifies that the Holiday mayhem is finally over and its time to return to some sense of normalcy. 

Last year was the first New Year’s Eve that I had to work.  I was very thankful, as I needed the money, but I remember thinking throughout the night that I couldn’t believe I was still working there. 

I finished graduate school in 2008 and briefly took a job as a writer, hated it, and quit so that I could pursue my own writing.  I needed to make money, so I took a job serving.  I remember feeling pretty crappy about it.  I have a master’s degree, I should not be a waitress.

But then something shifted.  I started to see the opportunities that could come out of working at a restaurant.  The flexible hours gave me a lot more time to write/brainstorm/figure out life/etc.  And pretty quickly I started to see that this was the best opportunity I could have gotten.

Well of course life gets in the way, and although I have all of these ambitions, they were easily pushed to the backburner because of insecurities, boys, fun, laziness, and a job that is easy and pays my bills.  So I hadn’t made any huge strides by the time New Year came upon us last year.  That along with ex-boyfriend drama not only with me, but also with some of my friends, I fear we spent the majority of our year either comforting each other about them or toasting to their departure.

The one moment that really put it all into perspective for me though was when I was at work last New Year’s Eve.  I was leaning against a wall where I could see the entire front of the dining room.  I remember thinking that if I had never come to work here, I would have never gotten to experience so many amazing people, servers and customers alike.  I looked around to the teenagers in the kitchen and realized that my life has been so much fuller since I met them and I couldn’t imagine my life without them in it. 

This year, 2010, has been a slow, but steady rise back to the top.  I actually tried multiple websites, designed by myself, different styles, different looks, different stories, different names, and I hated them all.  But for the first time in a long time, I didn’t give up and here, at the END of 2010, I have my blog going, I love it, and I am ready to roll. 

I have a plan, well, many plans and I’m actually implementing them, not just planning to implement them, and I’ve never felt better.  My most important endeavor is my journey to 30.  I need to experience the life I’ve been missing because I’ve been too afraid.   I’m not afraid any longer and I’m ready to go.  I’ve already started, and it seems that those I love are ready for their own transformations as well.  I see a lot of awesomeness starting and it seems that 2011 is going to be something pretty magical.

Epilogue 

January 1^st, 2011.  I am writing this from bed as I have still not recovered from my hangover last night.  Guess it means I had a pretty good new year! 

It didn’t start that way however.  I stood up for a friend, which meant I had an altercation with another person.  That right there brought down my chi for the night.  It also started off pretty dead, but eventually picked up.  While I was happy to be there with my friends, there were a few very important people missing and their absence made me very sad. 

I tried to remain positive.  But it was a challenge.  By the end of the evening, I was ready to leave, even if it meant spending midnight in my car alone driving home.  It was a new year, I had a new plan, and I didn’t need anything else.

The ball dropped, the music started pumping, the drinks started flowing, and before I knew it, I was dancing my butt off having the best time with my friends from work.  I couldn’t have foreseen this in the beginning of the night, but in the end, I had a fantastic New Year. And even though the elements that were missing would have probably made it even better, I can’t remember another New Year’s Eve where I had more fun, more great energy circulating, and definitely a worse hangover the next day!  Happy New Year!